Pro makeup artists and beauty editors interminably plug the Shu Uemura eyelash curler. Must be due to its dynamic handling and superior torque. I wouldn't know since it took one briefly blinding eye injury before my standard edition was mothballed. I can still see well enough to look down my nose at the editorial frenzy kicked off with the introduction of the 15th Anniversary Shu Uemura eyelash curler. The special edition lash torturer is unironically dipped in 24kt gold. Even 20 miles from the nearest Sephora store and you can smell its Trumped-out Maybach 57 S vibe. The new curler might make an ideal companion for those carbon component hot rollers and platinum blow dryer with a custom Swarovski spoiler. But for the price I want electrohydraulics and a lavender-scented airbag. Because nothing can make my eyes look wider and brighter than a credit card bill for $37 and nothing to show for it but a scratched cornea.